If the shoe is on the other foot and it is your ex who must apologize, then be gracious and forgive them. That doesn’t make you a victim who is setting himself up for another fall. It makes you a better person. Your ex will also have to prove to you that mistakes of the past won’t be repeated. Forgiving doesn’t mean your ex now has carte blanche and a “get out of jail free card” to wipe the slate clean if mistakes happen in the future. If the concept of forgiveness has been alien to your upbringing, then you might want to read a book that explains the benefits of this virtue that is older than the bible.

No relationship is on a perfect path to happiness, and forgiveness is central to successfully solving any problems that come up along the way. You will find many uses for this concept in the future if you do succeed in winning back your lost love. Old hurts have a way of resurfacing when tensions are mounting. Memories for bad events can last a lifetime. But forgiveness once given is meant to be forever. You can’t take it back.

After forgiveness, you must show your lost love that you really are the person that they fell in love with once before. The mistake wasn’t a representation of the real you. You make mistakes because you are not perfect, but you learn from your mistakes, and that is something that your ex will appreciate about you.

What you do know is that the breakup happened, and feelings were hurt, so be very careful about how you proceed. The last thing you want to do is to make the situation worse. The first steps that you take must be tentative and here are some considerations to guide your actions.

1. Was it something you did that caused the breakup? If you cheated on her the answer is obvious but things aren’t always that simple. If you can identify something you did that precipitated the breakup then ask yourself if it is something you can fix. Can you keep it from happening again? Or is it something that she will simply have to forgive you for.
2. If it really was your fault, you will have to let her know that you are aware of your mistake and that you are sincerely sorry. Nobody is perfect and sometimes an apology is all you can offer. If she can accept your apology then have passed the first hurdle. She will see forgiveness as a virtue in herself and humility as a virtue in you.
3. Keep up your other relationships, even to the extent of seeing other girls. That is what a healthy person would do, and you don’t want her to think that you are anything other than a healthy person. You can continue with the same circle of friends that the both of you shared before. It could even introduce pangs of jealousy into the equation that might work to your benefit.
4. Your ex should see that life is continuing normally for you, but let her know that you never stopped caring about her. It’s not time to send her a Valentine’s Day card, but a birthday card or Christmas card would certainly be appropriate for someone you care about. This will let her see the nurturing side of you without the haze of romance, and she will find you more desirable than ever.
5. Your friends are important to you, so be friends with your ex. You can never have enough friends, and sometimes best friends turn into soulmates.

With a friendship established, you should be able to bring up the subject of the breakup, and ask her why she thinks you broke up. Just ask her for her opinion, without any pressure. She may have been thinking all the things you have been thinking, or she may surprise you. Whatever she says, accept it as her honest point of view and move on from there.

So if your head is spinning and your heart is aching and all you can think about is “How do I get my ex back” then look closely at the following five steps. They may be all you need to get your boyfriend back in your life.

Clear Your Head
So you’re moping around, feeling sorry for yourself, whining about how unfair the world is now he’s not in your life. How are you going to achieve anything if you are ruled by your wild emotions and can’t think straight? Get over it. Get those nasty thoughts out of your head, start thinking positively, remember how strong you can be. Once you are in control of yourself, you can start to work towards your goals again.

Not In Kansas Any More
The relationship you had is gone. Over. Finished. No magic wand or time machine is going to fix the mistakes that were made, and constantly replaying the past in your mind isn’t either. At the same time, if you can see the mistakes of the past, you can learn from them. Make correcting them the basis of a new relationship. Think deeply about the past relationship, once. Don’t be scared to probe at the problem areas, and think how to fix them. Remember how your relationship broke slowly, over time - it’ll take a similar amount of time to solve the problems, too.

Give Him Some Room
At the moment, he is not your boyfriend. Remember this. Don’t obsess about him. You might miss his sexy voice, his sensual voice, the scent of his aftershave, but pull back. Make a clear break between that last failed relationship, and your new successful one. Don’t email him, phone him, text him, or hang out with him. With a little time and space, he might come to remember how good things were, and miss you - and that’s the time to come back into his life.

Look Good, Feel Good, Be Wanted
You’ve been through a rough patch. If you can afford it, try some retail therapy with a purpose - a new you. A new dress, some new cosmetics and a trip to the hairdressers will help you look good. If you have let yourself go during the breakup, get down to the gym and eat decent food, and make yourself feel good. Changing how you look to the outside world will help you on the inside, making you happier, knowing you can go out there and win. And when you look great and feel better, you will be irresistible to men. Especially your ex.

Nice And Easy
At some point, you and your ex will meet again. What will his reaction be, when he sees you? That you look great, are in control and positive, and not moping after the past. Whilst he might be desperate to get back with you, take it easy, don’t jump into getting back together immediately; keeping him from touching you will make him remember just what he is missing, and make him want it more!

Don’t make the mistake of diving back in, only for the relationship to hit the rocks again shortly afterwards. It’s not going to be easy to get him back - you need to sort yourself out, and that’s hard. You are going to want to get in touch with him early, but hold back, and remember why you are doing this - to get your ex back!

Second, even if you have unmet needs of your own, or unresolved issues, you need to put those away and concentrate on the positive. You clearly remember what it is that is so great about her, and you need to remind her what was so great about you. If she starts remembering that, and thinks you’ve really made amends for what you’ve done wrong in the past, you might get back together very soon.

Third, more than anything else you need to listen to her. Listen not just to her words but also her body language and try to read between the lines and hear what she’s really saying. She has things she needs to express and you need to really absorb them. You won’t get her back by telling her what she feels, needs to do, or how she should fix her life aside from you.

If she’s warming to the idea of getting back together it may well be subtle. Is she calling you now, instead of the other way around? If not, she may just need more time. If it’s worth being with her, it’s worth investing the future of this relationship.

If she’s impressed with the person you’re becoming, she’ll want to be around you more. If she’s resistant, don’t turn aggressive. You need to be the magnet that attracts her back to you, not the other way around. You’re not going to get what you need by being pushy. There’s a good chance that’s what got you into this mess. If space is what she needs, give it to her. If you truly love her, you will follow her lead and hope she sees you need to be in this together.

But something is very wrong. When the end of a relationship comes you have to make it official and not let it die a lingering death. This is the best thing for both of you, no matter whose idea the break up is. So what is the best way to go about this?

You don’t want to hurt her and you need to trust that she doesn’t want to hurt you. And you have always been honest with her so be honest but thoughtful. You don’t want to tell her in front of other people or leave her a phone message, no matter how carefully you try to word it. You will have to do it in person and let her respond in whatever way she sees fit. You may want to stay friends but she may have different ideas. Let her have her way for now, as long as she knows that the romance is over.

Friendship may develop later when she realizes it’s not necessary to completely burn all her bridges behind her. In the meantime if she wants the world to believe that you are the bad guy and she is the injured party, don’t try to fight that battle. People will believe what they want to believe and that is not your concern here. You both want to end something that was really over already only she doesn’t know it yet. So let her know in the gentlest most compassionate way possible and you will be doing her a favor. She will move on and find someone who is right for her eventually, but you need to give her a push in that direction.

And what if one of you wants to leave open the possibility of getting back together somewhere down the road? It could certainly happen. People change but sometimes you are too close to someone to see the change. A separation may actually help you to see each other in a different light. You may decide that you didn’t want a break up in the first place, or that a platonic friendship works better. But it is the break up itself that is necessary to get to the next phase of your lives, so commit yourself to it as a positive thing and eventually she will see it that way as well. You will both learn from this experience, and that learning can be applied to a new relationship or to reclaim the old relationship. That is just life, and learning from the journey is called growing up.

You and your partner must be willing to make adjustments in both attitude and actions. To save your relationship after an affair, it is necessary to increase the level of trust in the relationship; even though, this may seem impossible. There may be a central problem in the relationship that fostered an attitude within you that allowed you to wander. It could even be said that your relationship suffered from disease.

Fortunately, many diseases can be cured. It is necessary to look for the root causes of the attitude that allowed you to stray. It could be anything from a perception of boring sex to a sense that your partner was too busy to spend time with you. Perhaps you interpreted a failure to attend to appearance as a lack of interest in you.

No relationship is perfect. By changing your focus to resolving difficulties in the relationship rather than seeking to escape them by straying from the relationship, you can heal your relationship. Taking the time to work on the basic conflicts of the relationship will help build trust. Often this can be accomplished through couples counseling.

It is one thing to understand your thoughts. It is another to take actions to adjust your thoughts and correct your actions. This is the basis of problem resolution. It is important to not only talk about the conditions that preceded your affair, but also to make solid plans to correct those conditions in the future.

A good trust building technique is to start with small promises and make it a point to keep them. Attend to every day details like shared housework. If you have promised to do a daily chore, be sure to do it. Do it every day on a consistent basis without being reminded. In this way, you are making a small show of being trustworthy.

Build on this by making and keeping more promises, until this becomes the way of your relationship. Don’t expect a single apology to cover your transgression. Your partner will need reassurance that you are genuinely sorry for your actions and that you will never transgress again. Be patient when your partner brings this up and seeks reassurance. While it is important that you maintain an understanding attitude when reassuring, it is equally important that you not allow yourself to feel guilty. If you are genuinely interested in really getting back together, guilt has no place in the equation. If your partner seems to want to make you feel guilty, don’t allow this to happen. It is counterproductive. Rather that looking at the affair as a wound that can’t heal, view it as an opportunity for your relationship to grow stronger.

Mature people know how to forgive, grow, and move forward. If you allow it to, this negative experience can be an opportunity for positive growth. It takes a great deal of time and a series of positive, measurable changes in attitude and action to recover trust in a relationship. If you are patient and willing to make the effort, it is possible.

One thing is for certain, it’s going to require you to use a lot of common sense, maturity and dignity. In other words, leave game playing and manipulations to those who are less wise. Your goal is to show the one you love that what you had is still worth saving; and that you are still worth knowing and loving. Strategies that revolve around deception and manipulation are not the way to win over an already bruised heart.

A prime example of this type of devious ploy, is pretending you’ve moved on, when you really have not. The desired effect, of course, is to make your ex jealous enough to want to give it another try with you. It rarely works however. In the first place, it’s dishonest. In the second place, it can backfire with devastating results. The notion that you have moved seamlessly from your ex, right into another affair, is only going to make your true love wonder if you ever really cared at all. Do you really want to have your feelings called into question when you’re trying to win this person back? No doubt, your ex may actually feel betrayed and mislead. The level of trust you had will plummet and once lost, will be nearly impossible to gain back.

Sometimes there has been a betrayal, which can lead to feelings of anger and resentment on your part. Even so, if you’re willing to consider how you can rekindle the love of your ex you’re obviously willing to move past the problem and mend the relationship to make it stronger than ever. Consequently, it’s important to avoid angry outbursts and accusations. Nobody wants to try again with someone who appears unable to forgive past indiscretions and move forward. Forgiveness is imperative if you’re going to pursue a second go around. Otherwise, you’re just setting yourself up for another failure which defeats the purpose if getting back together in the first place.

Another important point to remember is that relationship failure is almost never the fault of just one person. Ask yourself some important, soul-searching questions. Did I alienate my ex with constant nagging or pressure to change? Was I diplomatic and fair when disagreements arose? Can I make the changes I need to, in order to be more appealing to my ex and win her/him back? It’s painful to be honest with ourselves. Admitting fault isn’t easy for most of us to do. But unless we change the way we dealt with one another before, to more constructive and positive methods, we’re doomed to failure yet again.

What should you do to rekindle the relationship? Getting back together means being thoughtful, forgiving, considerate and kind. Treat your ex with the same tenderness and understanding you would want for yourself. Show your ex what you have learned about yourself and your relationship in his/her absence, and that you have grown. If you use common sense, compassion, patience and forgiveness you may find that the love of your ex can be rekindled. With a little care, and some small personal changes your love may at last, be secured forever.

Making up and getting back together with an ex-boyfriend is a hard thing to do. Whatever the reason, the guy in your life chose to give the relationship up and stop trying to work through problems. They waved goodbye to the relationship. When you’re still involved with each other it can be difficult to work through problems, but once it’s already over your task is considerably harder.

Nevertheless, you don’t have to give up hope. There’s still a chance to get back the guy who broke up with you. Before you try, though, make sure a second try at the relationship is really what you want. Think about the reasons why you want him back in the first place. It shouldn’t be about jealousy or pride. Carefully evaluate your reasons for wanting him back in your life and make sure they’re the right ones.

It’s vitally important that you understand that sometimes it will work and you will get your boyfriend back. But sometimes, no matter what you do, the two of you will not end up together. Some couples can resolve their differences and pick up a great relationship where it left off. Other can’t. No matter what happens, just don’t be too hard on yourself and be satisfied with trying your best.

If you’re absolutely certain that you want your old boyfriend back in your life, and you’ve thought long and hard about it, the first thing you have to learn to do is control your emotions. There is no bigger turnoff for a guy than a girl who can’t manage her feelings well. Don’t let yourself contact him while you’re in tears and try to work it out while your emotions are so out of control. You could ruin any chance you have of getting back together. If your ex was just beginning to miss you and then sees you as an irrational, emotional basket case, you may just drive him further away.

The best course of action is just to live your life, and do it for yourself. Stop obsessing over what he may be doing, and don’t dwell on feelings of depression over the breakup. Show him your maturity. Keep doing the things you always did before the breakup, and pamper yourself a little. When you look and feel great, you’ll be happier and able to do the best thing for yourself. Spend time with your friends and have fun. If you have a happy and full life even without him at your side, it will actually make you in a better position to get him back. Eliminate contact with him - that includes phone calls, emails, and texting - and he will probably be more eager to contact you because he misses you.

When the moment comes that your ex makes contact with you, don’t linger on the first conversation. Let him know what you’ve been doing with your life. Don’t let all your romantic emotions gush out of your mouth. Instead, be a little distant. Most likely, he’ll be a little confused. If he wants to see you, take great care to look great. No touching or kissing during your first meeting. The most you should do is hug him goodbye, if it feels right. This will probably drive him insane. After the first meeting, you’ll find that it isn’t very hard to get this guy back.

Just remember to pace yourself and not go too fast. Remember, keeping your emotions in check is really important. Enjoy your life and live it just for you. Take care of your appearance, because looking good will lead to feeling good about yourself. Respect your ex’s space and don’t smother him. If you do, he’ll probably contact you and make the first move. Make sure to play hard to get when you meet him again, and you’ll find that when he has to earn you back he’ll appreciate you more.

Getting over your ex can be difficult, but what if you don’t want to? What if the big question in your mind is not how you will forget your ex and move on but “How do I get my ex back”.

First, you should ask yourself if you’re actually lucky to be out of this relationship. Was your ex physically or verbally abusive? Did having this person in your life make everything worse? If that’s how it was you should count yourself lucky it’s over, no matter how much you still love him or her.

If that’s not the case, it’s easy to guess how you got to where you are now. When you first met this person, your time together was all you could think about. You were on your best behavior, and you wanted to make a great impression every time out. Everything the other person did was interesting and charming.

When you became comfortable with each other you started paying more attention to the negative sides of each other. Suddenly, things you never noticed before, or maybe even liked, started to drive you a little crazy. This is when the problems really start. Often a specific life event for one of you adds enough stress that it really tests the relationship. Keeping things positive instead of being frustrated with each other suddenly becomes a great deal of work. You stop repairing the cracks, and pretty soon the whole thing comes apart. However, just as familiarity breeds contempt, absence makes the heart grow fond, right? So now you want to rebuild what you never should have destroyed. So let’s look at what you’re going to have to do.

Step One: Say You’re Sorry
This isn’t just the first piece of advice, it’s the best piece. You need to tell your ex specifically what you did wrong, and let them know you feel bad about it. Don’t blame yourself for everything, or say things you don’t believe. Don’t ask him or her to take pity on you. Take some time to consider what you did to make the breakup happen and apologize for it. Don’t, under any circumstances, let this become the blame game. Don’t get into an argument. When the two of you start discussing who did what wrong, it’s easy to start the same old fight right back up again. But stay calm and keep your pride in check. This is no time to you’re your ego. Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy? Keep the conversation focused on the things you were responsible, and bravely take responsibility for them.

Step Two: Discuss it
You’re never going to get your problems resolved until the two of you can agree on what they are. Try to get your ex to meet to talk. Don’t beg for this meeting, or trick them, or get them to do it out of pity. If they won’t meet, it’s time to move to step three. If you do get them to meet, keep calm and push that pride down. Be emotionally generous. Try to start all your sentences with “I” and not “you.” You want this to be about everything but assigning blame. You may want to even do with this with a relationship counselor present, if you think your ex would go for it.

Step Three: Leave Them Be. Really!
Giving them space is going to help in getting back together? Yes. You may be desperate to get back together, but your ex may not be. Depending on how and why you broke up, your ex may not even accept your calls. If that’s the case, give it time. If this is really going to work you’ll need patience. While time may let the anger fade, the positive emotions they had will fade more slowly. At some point, they’ll be ready to talk, even if both negative and positive passions have cooled. It’s more important to be rid of the negative. If you’re lucky, though, your ex will start to miss you.

Step Four: Be A Person Worth Loving
If you want someone to love, you have to be someone to love. Don’t turn desperate or whiny. Would you want to be with someone like that? Engage in the kinds of activities you did before you met your ex. Or the kinds of activities you always wanted to. Go out with friends and pursue your interests. Get involved in things. Hit the gym. Take some courses. Become a more interesting, healthy person.

And here’s one last tip. You want to be out a lot so that you’re not waiting around doing nothing if your ex does call. If you are there, you still should let it go to voicemail. When you do talk, you want to be calm and collected and have something good to talk about. You don’t want to set up a whole fake life, but you do want them to remember what it was like to have fun with you.

Perhaps the most important thing is to just be yourself. While this is definitely a cliché, there is a reason people say it over and over and that’s because it’s true. You can only work with what you have. Some men think they aren’t good enough to attract a beautiful woman, so they go into great lengths in trying to pretend that they are someone better (at least in their minds). But here’s the real truth, most woman would agree a confident man is the sexiest. Just think about it, how many times have you seen an ugly guy with the prettiest woman? I’ll guarantee you that is because those guys display confidence and work with what they have.

1. Never forget the little things. Whether this means you have to take her car in for an oil change or getting her a bag of her favorite flavors of Jelly Bellies, these things are what count. Men often get too caught up on the “grand gestures,” when in reality it’s the constant little things that remind her someone loves her and leads to healthy long-term relationships
2. Appreciate her. This might be similar to the previous advice, but there is actually much more to that. You should note things she does for you too. If she cooks a special meal for decides to surprise you with a gift, make sure you acknowledge her and show her that you’re happy with it. If you see her dressed up, make sure to compliment her. Just overall, don’t take anything she does for granted.
3. Don’t look at other women when you are with her. From a woman’s perspective, they generally think you are comparing that woman to her. They just don’t understand the term “the day I stop looking is the day I die.” There are a lot of reasons why a woman might behave this way, but in reality, none of that really matters. Nothing good can come from looking at another woman while you are with yours, so just don’t do it!
4. Make her laugh. Not surprisingly, woman put this as one of their top attributes they seek when looking for a man, and men tend to overlook it. Remind you of another topic? Well, it’s true. Just think of all the good memories you’ve had while you were laughing. It doesn’t mater who, where, or what you were doing. If you were laughing, you were having a good time. So, make sure she enjoys her time with you and make her laugh.
5. Find common interests. People have said opposites attract, but most women would prefer to have men who they share some common ground with. This is because if you guys enjoy the same hobbies, then you’ll spend more time together doing fun things together. Men don’t always realize women just want to spend more time together. So, put in that extra effort, and if you don’t know anything about her hobbies, be prepared to pick some of them up.
6. Dress to impress. While most men understand they need to clean up their looks while going after the girl, they get lazy and stop caring once they’re in the relationship. For a woman, this is a big no-no. Girls like their guys to look good, it gives them something to be proud of and show off when they’re in public. So be sure to shave all the weekends and get in touch with the latest men fashions, or you might find yourself soon out of the relationship.
7. Cater to her friends and family. While the honeymoon period of the relationship will be all about you and her, the long-term relationship will include her family and friends. She’ll expect her man to be able to fit in and get along with them, so make an effort to befriend her girlfriends and impress the parents. Women often turn to them for security and advice on their relationship, so make sure you’re on their good side!
8. Be considerate. No matter what is going on, you need to consider her feelings. Women are often less stable than men (partially due to hormones), so save yourself even more grief and consider her feelings at the beginning. Watch her mood carefully and you can avoid being on her bad side. And make sure you talk to her. It’s important and it really isn’t hard to talk to women.
9. Try new things. What people often don’t realize is that at the beginning of the relationship, everything is new. From your first kiss to the types of dates you arrange, she won’t be able to predict what’s coming next. However, after a while, all those things will become routine. If you find your relationship to fall into this path, shake things up and try something new. You’ll surprise her and more importantly, keep things interesting and the relationship healthy.