If your girlfriend dumps you, chances are, the first thing on your new agenda is winning that girl back. But you can’t do it just by wanting it really badly. You’re going to have to make some changes in your life to make yourself more appealing to her. Are there things you should have done? Shouldn’t have done? If it isn’t too late, you should start with fixing those things that can be fixed.
First, apologize and make amends. Show her you are capable of being the kind of guy who can change, and who can fulfill her needs in a way that you couldn’t before. Just this change could get her back, though it may not. If you made a mistake that can’t be undone, at least make it clear you would never do it again, and that you can see how far wrong you have gone. When the relationship was over, she was upset with you. You need to show her that you could be someone who makes her happy, not miserable. You’re going to have to put your needs aside and be sweet, patient, forgiving, and basically an ideal boyfriend.
Second, even if you have unmet needs of your own, or unresolved issues, you need to put those away and concentrate on the positive. You clearly remember what it is that is so great about her, and you need to remind her what was so great about you. If she starts remembering that, and thinks you’ve really made amends for what you’ve done wrong in the past, you might get back together very soon.
Third, more than anything else you need to listen to her. Listen not just to her words but also her body language and try to read between the lines and hear what she’s really saying. She has things she needs to express and you need to really absorb them. You won’t get her back by telling her what she feels, needs to do, or how she should fix her life aside from you.
If she’s warming to the idea of getting back together it may well be subtle. Is she calling you now, instead of the other way around? If not, she may just need more time. If it’s worth being with her, it’s worth investing the future of this relationship.
If she’s impressed with the person you’re becoming, she’ll want to be around you more. If she’s resistant, don’t turn aggressive. You need to be the magnet that attracts her back to you, not the other way around. You’re not going to get what you need by being pushy. There’s a good chance that’s what got you into this mess. If space is what she needs, give it to her. If you truly love her, you will follow her lead and hope she sees you need to be in this together.
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