Doing a Break Up Right
Filed Under Relationships Help
Is there something you’ve been meaning to do for some time now but you just can’t bring yourself to do it? I’m not talking about doing your taxes or changing the oil in your car. You want to break up with your girlfriend but you just can’t figure out how to do it. It’s easier to just let things coast along as if nothing is wrong and nothing will ever be wrong.
But something is very wrong. When the end of a relationship comes you have to make it official and not let it die a lingering death. This is the best thing for both of you, no matter whose idea the break up is. So what is the best way to go about this?
You don’t want to hurt her and you need to trust that she doesn’t want to hurt you. And you have always been honest with her so be honest but thoughtful. You don’t want to tell her in front of other people or leave her a phone message, no matter how carefully you try to word it. You will have to do it in person and let her respond in whatever way she sees fit. You may want to stay friends but she may have different ideas. Let her have her way for now, as long as she knows that the romance is over.
Friendship may develop later when she realizes it’s not necessary to completely burn all her bridges behind her. In the meantime if she wants the world to believe that you are the bad guy and she is the injured party, don’t try to fight that battle. People will believe what they want to believe and that is not your concern here. You both want to end something that was really over already only she doesn’t know it yet. So let her know in the gentlest most compassionate way possible and you will be doing her a favor. She will move on and find someone who is right for her eventually, but you need to give her a push in that direction.
And what if one of you wants to leave open the possibility of getting back together somewhere down the road? It could certainly happen. People change but sometimes you are too close to someone to see the change. A separation may actually help you to see each other in a different light. You may decide that you didn’t want a break up in the first place, or that a platonic friendship works better. But it is the break up itself that is necessary to get to the next phase of your lives, so commit yourself to it as a positive thing and eventually she will see it that way as well. You will both learn from this experience, and that learning can be applied to a new relationship or to reclaim the old relationship. That is just life, and learning from the journey is called growing up.
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